One year ago today...

January 17th is just one of those days I can't get out of my head. It just sticks there, you know? This time last year, January 17th 2010, I took Matt to the airport and we said a very tearful goodbye. We didn't have any idea when we would see each other again, not really knowing when this deployment would come to an end. We didn't really know anything about, well, anything. It was the beginning of our very first - and hopefully very last - deployment.

Saying goodbye was so hard. I don't even know how to describe it. It was like ... not being able to breathe. I think that's the best way I CAN describe it. Like having something ripped away from my body. Like something very, very wrong.

And all the small talk and retail therapy with my MIL afterwards didn't even hit the surface. I went home, curled up on the couch, invited Oscar to curl up on the couch with me (it only took a couple of hours for me to break all of our house rules for the dog...), and cried. The beginning of a deployment is a terrible feeling - I know that a lot of you can relate. It just feels so ... so vast, so never-ending. So damn long. And I felt so damn empty.

But now, one year later, all of that seems like a distant memory. As I sit here, with my husband safe and sound beside me, I sometimes wonder if this year even happened. It didn't take long after his return for me to feel like he had never left my side. I know I didn't imagine it - I certainly have the muscle knots and frowny wrinkles to prove it. I still remember what it felt like to get in bed that night ... wondering how long it would take me to get used to an empty bed. Tonight, I will curl up a little closer, hug a little tighter, kiss a little longer. And I will be so thankful.

One Month!

I (finally) have some stuff to blog about (namely my AMAZING weekend in Chicago with Lisa, Jenn, and Jenny!) but today, I just have a few brief words.

It has already been ONE MONTH since Matt left! Can you believe it? I can't. It has truly flown by, and I can only hope that time keeps flying at such a rapid rate. How am I doing? To be honest...I'm doing just fine. Do I miss my husband? Absolutely. Every second of every day. But my life has been full - full of work, full of play, full of just staying home alone sometimes.

So, that's that! Happy Valentine's Day, everyone - I hope you are having a great day with your loves, whether they be significant others, friends, or family. I had a great Valentine's Day brunch with one of my favorite valentines, Lisa, and her boyfriend Randy.

Next up - photos from my fantastic Chicago weekend!

A Decade in Review

Hi, friends! I'm home from my travels, and am just starting to sort through my photos/emails/Reader/aaaargh. So much to do. But I've noticed that a lot of you have posted a "decade in review" and I thought that sounded fun. So, here goes. We'll see how much I can really remember...

2000:

-Turned 18! I remember thinking that I was finally an adult. I was so wrong!

-Graduated from high school

-Moved to Ann Arbor and started my freshman year at the University of Michigan

2001:

-Turned 19, which I thought was so cool because I could legally drink in Canada. It wasn't.

-Took my first overseas trip to South Africa, Botswana and Zimbabwe for an African safari with my aunt and uncle. Amazing!

-9/11 happened. I was a sophomore in college. I still remember how scared I was. I remember watching the news on TV that morning with my roommates. It was so confusing. I went to class, only to discover class had been canceled. Watched students everywhere wander around in a daze and try to make calls on their cell phones.

-Started dating my long-term college boyfriend.

2002:

-Studied abroad in Florence, Italy over the summer. Visited Rome, Cinque Terre, Pisa, Verona, Padua, Lucca, and countless other little Italian towns dotting the countryside of Tuscany. Fell in love with tomatoes and red wine, things I had previously hated. Fell in love with Italy!

-Started volunteering at a crisis phone line for runaway teens.

2003:

-Turned 21, which seemed like a big deal at the time. It wasn't. Went to London with my dad over spring break. Fell in love with London.

-Continued volunteering at the crisis phone line. Started thinking that this was something I might want to pursue as a career.

-Decided to go to graduate school for Social Work. Began applying for programs. Accepted at University of Michigan, USC, Case Western. Visited USC and seriously contemplated moving to California.

2004:

-Turned 22, which I specifically remember thinking was SO OLD. It wasn't.

-Decided to stay in Michigan for grad school and continue at the University of Michigan, which had the #1 social work program in the country.

-Graduated from college...and seriously felt like an adult. I wasn't.

-Moved into a new apartment and started grad school.

2005:

-College boyfriend and I broke up. Best thing that could have happened for my life.

-Met and made amazing friends in grad school who I am still close with to this day.

-Started my first grad school internship, working in pediatric oncology at U of M Hospital. Very difficult...decided working in pediatric healthcare was too emotionally taxing.

-Started my second grad school internship, working at an alternative high school. I did individual therapy and ran some groups - loved it.

-Had lasik surgery!

-Began to plan moving out of Michigan for the first time in my life...rather arbitrarily decided on Washington, DC and started applying for jobs.

-Was offered a job in DC doing multi-systemic in-home family therapy for court-ordered clients.

-December 2005: graduated from grad school. Feel OLD. I'm not.

-Move to DC right before the New Year...temporarily move in with my aunt and uncle.

2006:

-January: start my new job

-January: quit my new job three weeks later. Proceed to be semi-unemployed for the next 4 months while nannying and working at Anthropologie.

-March 7: Meet Matt on a blind date that lasts 4 hours. We start dating immediately.

-I move into a crappy apartment with a crazy roommate I found on Craigslist.

-Get a *real* job working as a therapeutic foster care social worker in NE DC. Become very attached to 11 difficult children, and spend lots of time in court and on call 24/7. Extremely difficult job...but I learned more than I could have ever imagined.

-Matt and I brought Oscar home!

-5 months later, I (thankfully) move out into a my very first apartment with no roommates.

-Matt and I celebrate our first Thanksgiving together with my parents, who travel to DC for the holiday because Matt is on call.

2007:

-Hmmm. For some reason the entire year of 2007 is kind of drawing a blank for me. Did I do anything?

-Oh yes, I remember. Get a new and better job working as a medical social worker at George Washington University Hospital. I work on the cardiology/cardiac surgery unit, and also moonlight in labor/delivery/NICU and the neurology/stroke unit. Meet some of the most amazing girls who end up being my coworkers. Make lasting friendships.

-And also, Matt formally moved in with me, despite the fact that he had basically been living with me since I moved into the apartment.

2008:

-March 7: Matt and I get engaged at the restaurant where we had our first date. Excitement ensues. Set wedding date for November 8.

-April 12: Celebrate the wedding of our good friends Jenn and Ryan, who introduced us.

-Start thinking about what Matt is going to do when he gets out of the Army in September.

-Matt decides on grad school at Indiana University, and we start making plans to move to Bloomington.

-July 30th: Matt starts his terminal leave, and goes on a month-long roadtrip out west with his dad. I finish my last month at work and start the difficult and painful process of saying goodbyes.

-September 8: Military movers pack up our apartment.

-September 9: Pack remainder of important things in car (wedding dress, wedding suit, etc) and drive 11 hours to Bloomington. See new apartment for the first time (Matt's mom picked it out).

-September 10: Interview for my current job and nail it. Get asked back for a second interview and get hired a week later.

-September 13: My first bridal shower in Michigan.

-End of September: Matt comes to Michigan with me for the first time, and we get engagement photos taken. September is a busy, busy month.

-October 1: Start my new (current) job. LOVE it. And still do!

-October 11: Bridal shower in Indiana

-November 8: GET MARRIED!!!

-Go to Costa Rica on our honeymoon

-Celebrate our first Christmas together - ever - and our first Christmas as a married couple.

-Go to Oklahoma City to spend the end of December and New Years with my cousins.

2009:

-Turn 27. It seems old....getting awfully close to 30!

-Became a Big Sister through Big Brothers Big Sisters.

-Go to Charlotte, NC to visit with my friend Anna. We also visit my friend Cassie, who had a baby in April. So much fun!

-July: Matt gets his orders for a surprise deployment. Pretty crappy stuff, but at the time it seems so far away so I try to push it out of my mind.*

-Also July: Go on a Southern roadtrip with Lisa. We hit Charlotte, Charleston, Savannah, Tybee Island, Atlanta, Marietta, and Nashville...and have an amazing time!

-August: Start my second school year at my current wonderful job. My office moves into a closet. But I decorate it and fall in love with my tiny space.

-Matt starts his first semester of grad school and tries to concentrate on school instead of his deployment.

-Celebrate our first anniversary!!!

-We head to Michigan for my first Thanksgiving at home in several years.

-Spend Christmas with Matt's family before heading to Florida/Savannah/Nashville with my parents.

THE END! Wow. So much in my life has changed over the past ten years...I can only guess what the next ten years will bring. 10 years from now, I will hopefully be a mother, own a house in a place we will hopefully be semi-permanently, and...be almost 40. Yikes!

What I do not for sure is that this decade has been good to me, as I hope it has been for you. Happy 2010, internet friends!

*Deployment note: Not so far away anymore. Matt leaves two weeks from tomorrow. :(

Oh. My. Goodness.

So, I just decided to browse through the Plaza Too website (and no, I swear, I DO NOT work for them...I just think it's a great website with killer sales!). And...I saw THESE BEAUTIES.

My first thought, of course, was....I MUST HAVE THESE. I don't know why I think these bags - especially the clutch - are so fabulous. They just are. Then, I had the misfortune of looking at the prices. The silver clutch is $795. No, I'm serious! It really is. And the pink heart tote bag? Um, yeah. $1895. Only a mere $1100 more than the clutch. In that case...I'll take two!

Sigh. Marc Jacobs, what are you trying to pull?