My parents came to visit over the weekend, which was really great. We had some good meals, played some good games (they taught me how to play Dominoes ... obsessed now!), and did some shopping. It was a little busy downtown thanks to it being IU Welcome Week, but I fit in perfectly - just another "kid" hanging out with her parents downtown. Ha! Also, I was out shopping with my mom when I was asked what grade I'm in. That was a tough question to answer.
I made a big decision over the weekend ... one that was definitely difficult. Next weekend when I meet up with the lovely d.a.r. and MTM in Chicago, I'll be running the 5k instead of the 1/2 marathon. Sigh. I have been training for what seems like forever ... and yet, I'm nowhere near prepared. I have had a lot of trouble with my long runs, and I haven't been able to run longer than 6 miles. It probably doesn't help that it's been the hottest summer since 1988 ... 95+ degree temps every day has made it really difficult for me to stick to my training plan.
As the weeks ticked by and I got more and more behind on my training, I still thought I would be able to pull it off ... this was a very big deployment goal for me and I was determined to see it through! However, I've been stressing. A lot. All the time. You have to maintain a 13 minute mile during the race, or they pick you up in a "support bus." During my longer runs, I have been averaging around an 11 minute mile. I was having nightmares about being picked up by the bus.
Last week, d.a.r. suggested that we run the 5k instead of the half ... and I said ABSOLUTELY NOT. I can do this. I have to do this! But over the weekend, my parents brought it up and I just burst into tears. I felt so overwhelmed by my training - and about how behind I am. And through my tears (at a restaurant, no less), I realized that running the half this time around was just not realistic. I started to think about it, and I talked it over with d.a.r. She reminded me that running is supposed to be a fun hobby - it's not supposed to be stressful. We decided to run the 5k and immediately, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I think I was far more stressed out about this race than I had realized. As soon as we made the decision to run the 5k instead, I got excited about the race! And most importantly, I felt - and currently feel - confident.
Am I disappointed? Incredibly. And I struggled for much of the weekend with feeling like a total failure. Running the half is something I really, really wanted to do - and I still do. But guess what? I still will. This just isn't the right time. The important thing is that I have made running a habit. I have come a long way from where I started - and I feel better and more confident than ever. Just last week, I was thinking about how much I was looking forward to the half being over so that I could just comfortably run 2-3 miles, three times a week without worrying about increasing my mileage. So? For now, that's exactly what I'm going to be doing. I may train for the Indy Mini Marathon in the spring, or possibly the following spring. We'll see. I still want to do it ... and I'm still very serious about it.
You might be able to tell from this confusing blog post that I'm still really disappointed that I'm not running the half ... and I have a lot of mixed emotions. Still trying to sort them all out, I suppose. :)
On that note ... I'm off. To go running!
10 comments:
Hey lady! Props to you for sticking with running, no matter what. The half will be there next year and the year after, the important thing is you haven't given up running all together. I would much rather enjoy a race than be stressed out to the max about it. So, go enjoy yourself and just have fun!
I am so glad that you made this choice. I know how much the weight of the race was stressing you out. I am proud of you for being man enough to make this choice. Plus, since I'm going to have the baby that weekend (he he)- if you were running the half maybe that would mean that my labor would be like a half. And now, this means my labor can be like a 5K. Right????
I am sorry that you felt like a failure! I have been struggling with that- but for other reasons- regardless you could kid my butt in any running race. Glad you are excited and confident. Have fun!
(Do you often get asked what grade you are in? the other day someone came to the door to sell something and asked if my parents were home. What do you say to that? What did you say when they asked your grade?)
So proud of you for making a good decision for yourself AND for sticking with the running for so long! d.a.r. has a good point, it should be fun and not feel like a chore, so I hope you both enjoy the run and I can't wait to see pictures! Hint hint!
xoxo
I'm really proud of you for making this decision for yourself and doing what's right for you. I know you will have a fabulous time in the city with DAR and the 5K will be just another fun thing you do :)
And maybe sometime...in the far, far future...we can run that half together :)
Or maybe a 5K? :)
Love you!
I agree with dar. Running is supposed to be fun! Not something that stresses you out. You will run a half marathon someday! Hopefully when it is not 1 million degrees out!!
Ooh, Indy Mini in the spring? B has done it twice, and we could be talked into coming down to join you for it!!!
You'll be awesome in the 5K for sure, and, like you said, you'll get there. You will do a half at some point, and it doesn't have to be right now. Thank goodness you have a long and healthy life to look forward to and running a 1/2 will only be a small part of it (and HUGE accomplishment!)
Running shouldn't be something stressful, in my opinion. If this particular race isn't meant to be, then it isn't meant to be.
I think it's great you made this choice and even though it was hard it's obviously the right one - you're now excited about the race! And you're going to run a race - regardless of the distance, that in itself if awesome!!!
Obviously you made the right choice :)
Now the only unfortunate thing is that we will only have 3 miles to run off the 150,000 calories we will be eating...crap.
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