My parents came to visit over the weekend, which was really great. We had some good meals, played some good games (they taught me how to play Dominoes ... obsessed now!), and did some shopping. It was a little busy downtown thanks to it being IU Welcome Week, but I fit in perfectly - just another "kid" hanging out with her parents downtown. Ha! Also, I was out shopping with my mom when I was asked what grade I'm in. That was a tough question to answer.
I made a big decision over the weekend ... one that was definitely difficult. Next weekend when I meet up with the lovely d.a.r. and MTM in Chicago, I'll be running the 5k instead of the 1/2 marathon. Sigh. I have been training for what seems like forever ... and yet, I'm nowhere near prepared. I have had a lot of trouble with my long runs, and I haven't been able to run longer than 6 miles. It probably doesn't help that it's been the hottest summer since 1988 ... 95+ degree temps every day has made it really difficult for me to stick to my training plan.
As the weeks ticked by and I got more and more behind on my training, I still thought I would be able to pull it off ... this was a very big deployment goal for me and I was determined to see it through! However, I've been stressing. A lot. All the time. You have to maintain a 13 minute mile during the race, or they pick you up in a "support bus." During my longer runs, I have been averaging around an 11 minute mile. I was having nightmares about being picked up by the bus.
Last week, d.a.r. suggested that we run the 5k instead of the half ... and I said ABSOLUTELY NOT. I can do this. I have to do this! But over the weekend, my parents brought it up and I just burst into tears. I felt so overwhelmed by my training - and about how behind I am. And through my tears (at a restaurant, no less), I realized that running the half this time around was just not realistic. I started to think about it, and I talked it over with d.a.r. She reminded me that running is supposed to be a fun hobby - it's not supposed to be stressful. We decided to run the 5k and immediately, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I think I was far more stressed out about this race than I had realized. As soon as we made the decision to run the 5k instead, I got excited about the race! And most importantly, I felt - and currently feel - confident.
Am I disappointed? Incredibly. And I struggled for much of the weekend with feeling like a total failure. Running the half is something I really, really wanted to do - and I still do. But guess what? I still will. This just isn't the right time. The important thing is that I have made running a habit. I have come a long way from where I started - and I feel better and more confident than ever. Just last week, I was thinking about how much I was looking forward to the half being over so that I could just comfortably run 2-3 miles, three times a week without worrying about increasing my mileage. So? For now, that's exactly what I'm going to be doing. I may train for the Indy Mini Marathon in the spring, or possibly the following spring. We'll see. I still want to do it ... and I'm still very serious about it.
You might be able to tell from this confusing blog post that I'm still really disappointed that I'm not running the half ... and I have a lot of mixed emotions. Still trying to sort them all out, I suppose. :)
On that note ... I'm off. To go running!