Saturday, May 16, 2009


Warning: this is not a happy post.

I don't know what happened this morning. But the 5k totally sucked.

Everything started off well. Last night, I relaxed with a long bath. I got a good night of sleep and woke up well-rested. In the car on the way to the race, Matt drove while I closed my eyes, relaxed, and reminded myself that I am a runner. I am a runner. I am a runner.

Let's review my goals, shall we?

1. Finish - and finish running: 50% FAIL. I finished, and I guess I finished running, but...I stopped to walk THREE TIMES. I don't even know why. The last time around, my leg started hurting (or did I just imagine it??!!). The first time I started walking, Matt turned around and saw me and got mad and yelled at me. Which I totally needed. But it didn't seem to help. There was a firefighter in full crazy firefighter uniform, complete with helmet and crazy backpack. And guess what? Yeah, he finished before me. There was a mom and dad running with their little kids - and guess what? They beat me too. Even the kids.
2. Don't finish last: PASS. I did not finish last, although I was pretty damn close. Out of 235 total finishers, I finished 222nd. Out of 36 finishers in the 25-29 age group, I finished 35th. UGH.
3. I'd like to finish in 35:00 or less: FAIL. My time was 38:36, giving me an average of 12:27 per mile. Pathetic, seriously.
4. Enjoy myself: FAIL. I did not enjoy myself. I did not have fun. Instead, I felt like a total failure. FAIL FAIL FAIL.

So, there you have it. I am so disappointed in myself...I just don't even know what happened. I didn't feel like a runner. I felt like a failure. I knew I could do this...and then I didn't do it.

When we crossed the finish line, I was supposed to be happy and excited and proud of myself! Instead, I felt like crap. I walked away from Matt and just started sobbing. And once I started...I just couldn't stop. Matt gave me a hug and reminded me it was just a run, it wasn't life or death. But I just felt like all this training I had done to prove I could do this...then today happened to tell me I can't do it after all. Then I cried while I was stretching. And I cried when we were in line for bbq afterwards. And I cried when we were eating bbq. And I cried in the car on the way to Best Buy (we had to make a quick stop on the way home) and then when we got back in the car, I cried some more.

When we got home, I just felt so...blah, that I curled up on the couch and slept for about two hours. Now it's 4:30, and I just got out of the shower. Oh, and writing this...I started crying again.

I'm sorry, ladies, I just had to get all of this off my chest. I just feel so crappy.

But now I am going to attempt to look at some positives:
1. Okay, I did actually finish. Even if the race overall is a FAIL.
2. And - 38:00 is about the same time it took me to run 3 miles around our neighborhood with no walk breaks, which leads me to believe that I had a faster pace today. So, I guess that's positive. I guess.
3. The bbq afterwards was really good, and free.

Here's my thing. I don't have another race on the calendar. This summer, I'm going to train - and I'm going to train hard. It starts on Monday. Before today, I planned on trying to shoot for a 10k in the fall, and maybe a half marathon in Spring 2010. But now...I'm not so sure about that. Instead of trying to get to a certain mileage, I'm just going to run. And next year, you'd better believe I'm running this 5k again. And I'm going to kick its ass.


Jenn said...

oh shaina, don't be so hard on yourself!! you just started running not that long ago at ALL. i'm very impressed with you. most people would never even sign up to run in a race - you did!! i would not use the word "FAIL" to describe this at all. And definitely not epic fail, which is good news ;) If you want a 10k training program, let me know. I'm doing it now, and it's actually pretty fun. and i HATE running.

Lucy Marie said...

I'm sorry it didn't go as well as you had hoped, but don't be too hard on yourself. This is a great accomplishment that many of us (myself including) cannot boast! You did amazing. Don't give up on yourself. Aim for the 10 K in the fall - you can totally do it.

Lucky in Love said... I'm pretty sure we started running around the same time...and I am so far from even thinking about a race it's crazy. You are awesome for even doing that. I'm so impressed with you!

And finished! You did a freaking race! And you didn't come in last :) And don't worry about all those people who passed can run forever...they're freaks. And firemen are super athletic right?

I think your first race is a learning experience. It's a starting point for you and you are going to improve. I totally get that you are disappointed...but I think you did absolutely fantastic! I "quick" runs are 12 minute miles and I by far don't keep that up for the whole are a solider :)

Pretty Personal Gifts said...

I'm sorry you're disappointed. I wish I could get the energy up to attend a race, much less actually participate in one. You did great. Don't be too hard on yourself. I'm jealous of you if that helps!

Lisa said...

Shaina. Stop crying right this instant. Nobody said it was going to be easy - right? Would you even want to do it, if it were going to be easy? This was Race #1 and you finished it...and that's what is important. As you race more and run more and really start getting into it - the "fun" will fall into place. You are being far too hard on yourself, my friend.

I know what will cheer you up. Go make some cookie brownies covered in fat, I mean ganache. And enjoy! :) Or think happy Paula Deen thoughts. :)

AEO said...

Okay, miss, you are just FINE!!! You did it, you finished, you didn't die, you didn't break anything, and you burned calories in the process!! It is your first race ever, and that alone is something to be proud of. We are all proud of you. I did my first 10K this spring, and my first goal was to finish (done), my second goal was to do it in an hour (1:00.28). I was SO mad about it, but hey, I did the race which I never ever thought I could honestly do.

I'm glad you are mentally prepared to do another race. The mental part is always the hardest. If you are going to train, I think Hal Higgdon is the BEST. I used him for my 10K, and my husband has used him for his 4 1/2 marathons and will use him for his marathon this fall. It gets you out there running at least 3-4 days a week which you need to do in order to stay focused (in my opinion). Think of the positive health benefits that you are giving to yourself!!! Suck it up girl (and I mean it in the sweetest, nicest, funniest way- honest!!) and get out there this week! I wish I were closer to be your running buddy!!

Wearing Mascara said...

Hey girl,

I'm sure I've told you befoe that I did my first 5k about 1-2 yrs ago. I walked. I did not run the whole time. Nor did I run the whole time for my recent 10 miler. But you know what? I got out there and tried. And I keep on trying. Just like you are and that's better than what most people are doing. I was so worried when I started reading your post but was relieved at the end when you mentioned the positives - WONDERFUL positives. Please don't let this discourage you. Also, just this was ONE bad day that just happened to be race day. We all have them and running is so psychological. Some days when I was scheduled to train for even just 20 minutes I didn't! But, I kept going and you will too. Congratualations love on a successful race - I am SO proud of you and your attitude.

Love your friend,


Crazy Shenanigans said...

Everyone has an off day. Maybe this was it for you. You have to remember that some people never EVER even do a 5k run....some people can't even walk a 5k.

You're going to be just fine and the next 5K you do I bet you crush the other runners!

kilax said...

I am sending you a big hug. I wish I could say the perfect thing to let you know that it is okay, but that has to come from within.

You got out there, and you did your best and that is all that matters. So many people aren't even able to run, we should be grateful we can. There is an entire method to run/walking called the Galloway Method (I think?) and it is legitimate. There is no shame in walking.

I am still proud of you. I think you should continue to train. You'll get there!

katie said...

No way, Jose... you didn't fail at all! Trust me... I can't even do 3 miles on the ellyptical. You are such an inspiration for me and I'm glad you're not giving up!

Brittany Ann said...

I am so sorry you had a rough run! But you really didn't do so bad! You're amazing for getting out there and doing it at all. And the next time you do it, you know it will be better. Hang in there. Can't wait to hear about your training.

Christina said...

I'm sorry you feel like you failed, but I can't even work up enough motivation to register for a 5K, much less train for one. I think that your race was a success because you worked hard to prepare for it and you finished! I wish I could be more like you! Hang in there!

The Northerner said...

There are millions of people who can't even walk a 5k, so you get gold medals for finishing at all!! I'm sorry it didn't work out as well as you hoped, but things will only get better from here!!

Kelly said...

I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you had hoped. That's always so hard. I couldn't do what you did so I'm impressed. Try not to beat yourself up. And yes, just get back into training. You'll be great for the next one I'm sure! :)

Legallyblondemel said...

So frustrating when it doesn't work out as you had hoped. I'm competitive with myself when it comes to things like this, so I get it.

For what it's worth, it impresses the heck out of me that you even signed up for a 5K, let alone completed one. I loathe running (although I like exercise) & truly admire anyone with the discipline to stick with it. So congratulations on finishing!

MS Handbags said...

Aw Shaina, I hope you're feeling better since you posted '5K= FAIL'. Your dedication and enthusiasm about running is truly inspiring. While it didn't go as well as you'd hoped, it sounds like you did great and you met quite a few of your goals!

Be kind to yourself, it sounds like you've worked really hard and you deserve to be proud of your effort!

brown eyed girl said...

Shaina, congratulations on finishing your first race! I think everyone mentioned everything I could ever think of to say - you finished your first race and found some positives in it and you're going to keep up with running. That, in and of itself, is amazing!!

Hope you have a wonderful monday!

Taryn said...

I know this is very late- but I am catching up. I am sorry about the race. So sorry. You had done so much good training! I am proud of you for doing it - and finishing. Good job!

(P.S. I love the new blog layout. It is amazing!)