400!

This is my 400th post. Wow. Clearly, I'm wordy. Thanks for hanging around this long! :)

Matt and I headed up to Greenwood (just outside of Indianapolis) today to spend the day with our friends Ryan and Amber. At the Melting Pot. YUM. The last time Matt and I ate at the Melting Pot was when we celebrated when I got my job...3 jobs ago. May, 2006. So clearly, it's been awhile. Ryan and Amber live kind of northwest of Indy, so the Melting Pot was a good halfway point for us.

As always, we had a ton of fun (see: this post as evidence). We've been home for a couple of hours now, and I cannot stop thinking about this crazy story that Amber told us. I know I'm going to accidentally leave out some of the craziness (because there is just SO MUCH TO TELL), but I'm going to try and relay the story to you. Bear with me...this will be lengthy. But please try to make it to the end, because the best story is last.

Necessary background information: Amber is a 3rd grade teacher. She had Jaida in the beginning of September, and, obviously, had a sub take over her class for her maternity leave. Amber had a really difficult and complicated delivery, and ended up needing to extend her maternity leave for the rest of the semester. She now will go back to teaching when school gets back from Christmas break.

You teachers will especially enjoy this story of: dun dun dun! The sub from hell. I swear.

Amber is clearly a very meticulous (in a good way!) teacher. She has rules in her classroom about raising hands, talking out of turn, etc....like all good teachers should. Before she had Jaida, she spent a TON of time writing out lesson plans that would cover - literally - each and every day until she returned. The sub was basically walking into a pre-taught class - all she had to do was follow Amber's lesson plans.

Naturally, the sub chose to "do her own thing." Before this lady - we'll call her P. Like Peyton. The crazy lady from The Hand that Rocks the Cradle. - started subbing for her, Amber had never met her.

Awkward red flag #1: The day after Amber gave birth to Jaida, P showed up AT THE HOSPITAL, came into her room, didn't say hi or ask how she was, just walked over to Jaida and started taking photos of her. She then took it upon herself to send out a birth announcement to the rest of the teachers, saying when Jaida was born (wrong time!), her weight (wrong weight!), and her length (wrong length!). Weird.

Awkward red flag #2: When Amber got home from the hospital, she sent P an email checking and and seeing how the lesson plans were going. P responded, telling her she's not using her lesson plans. She signed the email "I love you so much." ???????????

Awkward red flag #3: P came over to Ryan and Amber's house to discuss some stuff with Amber. She stayed SO LONG, holding Jaida, that Amber didn't know how to get her to leave. Ryan was cooking supper, BROUGHT Amber supper in front of this lady, and she still didn't get the hint. When Amber said "Well, it's time for supper," P replied "Oh, no thanks, I'm fine." Haha. She then proceeded to tell Amber that people at school were talking about her. (Sidenote: Amber is the sweetest, nicest person ON EARTH. She runs prayer groups at school. She is OH so wholesome and sweet.) P told Amber that the custodians were telling everyone that AMBER WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE ART TEACHER, and that Jaida was his baby!!! Oh my gosh. Ridiculous. Amber called Ryan into the room and had P repeat this "rumor." True to form, Ryan started laughing uncontrollably.

Apparently at this point, P (still holding and rocking the baby) said "but when I saw Jaida, I could tell it was Ryan's baby." Um, weirdo. Word on the street is actually that P herself had been hitting on the art teacher, but he had been rejecting her left and right. Sounds like she just pulled that "rumor" out herself. Also...while rocking and staring at the baby, said something about how she hopes God will still bless her with a baby at some point. Aaargh awkward.

Awkward red flag #4: Amber visited the classroom to say hi to her kids and check to see how things were going. She said something along the lines of "When I come back..." at which point P interrupted (to the students!) and said "Well, IF she comes back." Um, there was never a question that Amber was going back to work. What a creepster.

Awkward red flag #5: She apparently has told all the students that she is their "best friend." They don't have to raise hands, they don't have to stay seated during class, they really have no rules whatsoever. Oh dear.

Awkward red flag #6: Last week, Amber asked P for an update on where the class is in their books and whatnot, so she knows what she's walking into in a couple of weeks. P responded with, "Well, in Health, we're on Chapter 1. In English...well, I didn't actually know there was a book for English." ???????? Seriously. Halfway through the year, and the kids are on CHAPTER ONE of a book. And basically haven't done any English.

Awkward red flag #7: Apparently, the only time P did Social Studies with the kids, she talked solely about Christopher Columbus. To emphasize her...um, theme...she dressed up as a pirate (??) and brought in PIPES to show them. PIPES. That you SMOKE. WTF?

Awkward red flag #8: P asked Amber if she could stay home on maternity leave a little longer, because P wanted to make some more money so that she could quit her other job...at Walmart.

Awkward red flag #doesitreallymatteranymore: To be honest, there were so many stories and weird, creepy things about this lady that I really cannot even remember them all. But this one has to take the cake. All last week, the whole elementary school was writing letters to Santa. Please remember that this is a class of 3rd graders. Well, on Friday, P told the entire class that there is no Santa Claus, and made fun of them for still believing in him. Apparently half the class went home crying. Can you believe this shit??!

I am seriously in shock about this whole story. Amber is going to have her work cut out for her when she returns in January...but really, those poor kids! Not only have they had a wasted semester, but now they know that Santa Claus isn't real. Amber...anything to add? Write it in a comment below so my wonderful readers can hear more craziness!!!

Do any of you have crazy sub stories like this? Or something similar?