Wednesday, December 2, 2009

New Friends

I don't know how you ladies feel, but I for one think that the older I get, the harder it is to make friends. I have lived in Bloomington for just over a year now, yet I can count my (new) close friends on one hand. Okay, I have about 3. I'll add 2 more as friends-I-don't-hang-out-with-outside-of-work-but-I-still-like-quite-a-bit. So...5 friends. At the same time, the older I get...the less friends I feel like I need. It's far more important to me to have just a couple of really good, close friends than several "surface" friends. Thoughts?

Of course, at the same time, not a day goes by that I don't miss my girlfriends back in DC. It doesn't seem like that long since we moved away, but all of a sudden I realize that it's been over a year. So many things have changed ... one got married, several others are pregnant, and I just feel like I'm missing so much. I loved working with such a great group of girls...work itself was challenging, frustrating, and often crappy, but having that awesome support system really helped us make it through the day.

When we moved to Indiana...I felt so lonely. And really, I still do. But you know what? So many of you have helped me make it through my days here. I have email friendships with so many of you...it seems weird sometimes that we don't know each other in person! On that note...I am excited beyond WORDS to meet Jenn next weekend...I mean, BEYOND WORDS. I know, you are jealous. Although it seems weird to "meet" someone you already email/tweet/blog/google chat with on a daily basis. What constitutes actually meeting somebody, you know?! :)

Anyway, my new Bloomington friends are awesome and I'm SO happy to have met them (Alyssa, Becky, and Patty, I'm talking to you!). It feels great to have a few girlfriends here, and to start creating some girl night rituals (Thursday nights with Alyssa have quickly become tradition!). I'm also SO excited to have a girls adventure on Sunday (with Alyssa again!) to the Colts game!!! Yessssss! Excitement!

Have your views of friendship changed over the years? Do you think it's harder to make friends the older you get? I certainly think that if you can't make friends at work, it is SO difficult. This is definitely the first time I have had difficulty making friends. Moving is SO much harder than I ever knew.


15 comments:

d.a.r. said...

Ahhhh you stole the words from my mouth. I am so scared now that we have moved. What if we never make friends? What if I make friends and Zach doesn't? What if he makes friends and I don't?? It is so much harder now that we are older and aren't in school.

But at least I do have those awesome long lasting friendships, new bloggy/email friendships, and I am going to just cross my fingers for the next year...

Jenn said...

totally agree. when you're older and you move somewhere you're basically invading groups of friends that have been together forever. it's hard to crack into that. my blog friends, too, have been such a blessing to me since i moved to milwaukee. i also agree that you need less friends as you're older. you learn that it's quality, not quantity that's important!

um AND i cannot cannot wait to meet you & lisa!!! i'm sort of lame for telling you this, but i totally have a countdown on my calendar. :)

Rachel said...

Its definitely harder to make friends as you get older. I feel like they aren't as good as your previous/best friends, so it's like what's the point. I know it sounds bad, but it's hard to find time when you work, and work with people twice your age in my case haha. Oh well! I'd rather have a few good ones than a bunch of fake ones!

Kayla said...

I think we were twins separated at birth! haha Don't worry, we've lived here for 2 years and I finally have 4-5 friends that I actually hang out with on a regular basis, and that's still not very often!

It is much harder to make friends the older you get! I also miss my friends back home and feel like we have grown apart since I've moved... It's just so hard to keep in contact... I don't mean e-mail, phone contact, I mean true friendship-contact... I wish some of you bloggy friends lived closer! haha

Becky said...

It's definitely harder to make friends as you get older! When you're younger (high school, college), you're in the same situation with everyone so you always have common ground, but as you get older you're at different places in your lives with friends and it makes it harder.

kilax said...

I agree that it is harder to make friends, because you spend your time at work, rather than at school. And really, I don't want to be friends with my coworkers.

We have made friends with a neighbor family and many bloggers. That is it for us! Even though we know some people where we live, we still don't see them that often. Some people really suck at maintaining friendships.

Have you made any new friends by running? That is a good way to meet people.

Just Anonymous Prep said...

I'm right there with you on this! I've been at my current job for just over a year and have been living in a newish area for about 18 months, and feel the same way! I have made lovely work friends but not too many outside of work friend friends, which is a bit disheartening. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

It's a shame NJ and Indiana aren't closer geographically!

Brittany Ann said...

It totally is harder. My BF and I were talking about this, now that she lives in NYC and I live here. It's not like we don't meet nice people, but it's just that it's hard for them to measure up to our oldest, bestest friends who we hate being away from.

It's hard!

Patience said...

I thought the same thing when we moved to our new house. We didn't know anyone and now we have about couples that we regularly hang out with. I would like to meet more people, but it is so hard. I mean what do I have to do, put out an ad. ugh!

Lucy Marie said...

It is most certainly harder to make friends the older I get. Even though the friendships I've made in the past two years or so are great - they will never be just quite the same as my "long time" friends. There's always a sense of comfort that comes with familiarity, I think.

But, like you said, I also feel like it's less and less important for me to have many many friends as I get older. What's important is the ones I do have, the ones I exert energy to maintain, are close, trustworthy, and compatible with me. I'd rather have enough good friends I could count on one hand than a whole slew of sort of friends.

And again, I agree with you that I have developed such close friendships with so many of you ladies on here, that I don't feel like I'm missing anything.

Lucky in Love said...

I've had an extremely hard time making friends. I am by far the youngest person at my work...and there are mostly boys here anyway that would rather have sex with me than be my friend. Trust me.

So what's a girl to do? Plus I'm not super all up in your face making conversation with new people kind of girl. So I have latch onto wives of Matt's friends. But we haven't had the chance to really do anything just girls. Maybe I should set that up...

And so jealous that you get to meet Jen!! Give her a huge hug from me!

Casey (@ Ever-Changing Life) said...

I think as a mil wife your view on making friends HAS to change! I grew up in a small town and went to high school in the same place as my parents and sister. My friends were always built in. Now, every three years, it's time for new friends. Luckily, everyone else is in the same situation, so you click pretty quickly. It's forced togetherness, especially overseas, but it makes you closer!

Crazy Shenanigans said...

Completely agree. It's so hard making friends the older you get and it seems that the ones we do have we keep.

Sara said...

You know, I'm glad you wrote this. I usually feel like a freak when I consider how few friends I have (let's face it, there aren't many) in Jacksonville and I've lived here for 2 years! Reading your post and other comments makes me feel like a normal girl. I have friends who have no problem meeting new people and developing friendships where ever they go and I usually envy them. On one hand, I'm not as dependent on my friendships as I was in college or high school, but I do miss having people to turn to that aren't my fiancé and I'm not talking on a superficial level. My fiancé isn't exactly fun to shop with and he usually doesn't want to see movies like New Moon. :-P

Wearing Mascara said...

I definitely think it's so hard for me. I desperately want friends to call my own on a regular basis. Yea, I'm meeting some people here in Pgh, but not people that I consider close yet. It's so tough and it also is difficult depending on what stage of life you're in. Great post and I'm excited for you and Jenn to meet!