Thursday, April 30, 2009

Finally! I'm back!

*image courtesy of dallassouthblog.com*
Hello, friends!  I've been MIA lately (okay, I guess it was just yesterday) thanks to some serious craziness at work.  This morning, I took 21 students to an employment fair we coordinated across town at the Convention Center...and it was extremely hectic.  I prepared all of them, helped them fill out job applications, and then typed their applications up and made 25 copies of each, put them in a folder with a pen for each student, and...sent them on their way.  Now that it's over (and it was a great success!), I have some brief comments, which I will share in the form of an open letter.

Dear High School Seniors,
I'm so glad you came to the Employment Fair.  Please allow me to make a few comments that may prove to be useful later in life.

1.  18 is far too old to be spelling phonetically.  Please use a dictionary when needed.
2.  "Environment" is not spelled "enviorment."
3.  "Drive thru" is not spelled "dive thur."
4.  "A/B Honor Roll" is not spelled "A/B onarold."  Yes, I know, it took me awhile to figure that one out too...and the irony just kills me...
5.  I recommend that you create a new email, solely for job-searching, that does not include any of the following that I really did see on these applications (I am omitting numbers and actual email addresses to protect the questionably innocent):
-HottieLaura@...
-bhsnbabe@... (BHSN = Bloomington High School North)
-iratherbemuddin@...
And here are a few fun ones from the other high school:
-pokemehoney@...
-blacklabel@...
6.  If you list one of your references as being a "self-employed tower builder," please understand that I don't have any f*%#ing idea what that even means.
7.  When the application says to not list family members as references, please do not list your parents, your grandparents, or your sisters.  They are family members.  Also, don't put your ex-boyfriend's mom, because I don't even understand why you'd want her to be a reference in the first place.
8.  When the application says "relationship" under references, this means...what is their relationship to you.  Do not put single or married.
9.  For the gazillionth time, I would recommend dressing up a bit for the occasion.  Yes, this means taking off your hoodie when you're trying to get a job.  Extra props goes to the guy wearing a button up shirt with a sport coat, even if he was only dressed up from the waist up...and from the waist down, was wearing jeans and tennis shoes.
10.  On the bus ride back to the school, please do not discuss how you smoke two packs a day in order to lose weight, and pleasefortheloveofgod don't talk about sex.  Because someone like me will be there, listening, and will want to scratch her ears out the next time you make a lewd comment about your other set of lips.
11.  Please do not come into my office an hour before the employment fair to tell me that you don't want to go anymore.  You probably knew yesterday that you didn't want to go, and yesterday, had I known, I wouldn't have made 25 copies of your job application and placed them neatly in a folder with your name on it.  
12.  I have more comment that my coworker Becky would like me to add:  Please do not destruct the property of the building where the employment fair takes place.  When removing your nametags, feel free to place them in a trash can.  Sticking them to the handle thingy of the escalator is not a very good idea, and it will get you three days of suspension.  
  
Well, that's about it.  Good luck at your next employment fair, ladies and gents. 

Warmly,
Mrs. Smith


19 comments:

Lucky in Love said...

This is absolutely hilarious! My mouth fell open at the "lips" comment!! I can't believe they said that!!

d.a.r. said...

I am absolutely dying reading this!!! Oh my word....

Brittany Ann said...

Just found your blog! So fun and funny!

And loved this post. This is freakishly similar to my "love-able" high-schoolers. Haha, at least I'm not alone out here!

Dugout Daisy said...

Classic!
Especially the kids sticking the name tags on things they're not supposed to, do they realize it has their name on it and they will get caught???
Hahaha! Oh High Schoolers, scary to think that they will one day be adults.

katie said...

oh dear... I don't know how you do it!

Crazy Shenanigans said...

Haha! I love this!

Candice said...

Haha! This was hilarious! I'm about to start teaching high schoolers...can't wait! ha!

brown eyed girl said...

AHAHAHAHAHA!! That's rediculous!! I was dying as I read that!

Ashley Paige said...

oh. my. goodness. hilarious! kids today ::shakes head:: hahahah!

Ashley said...

SO sad.. but I know it's true. ugh.

Jenn said...

simply awesome. onarold. LOVE it.

Erin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Erin said...

Oh my word - this is hilarious. Add one for me: "Don't steal the desk plant of the Dean of Admissions at Mizzou. It's OBVIOUS you have it under your coat and it's OBVIOUS you're not doing anything but selling pot after high school, so PLEASE stop making my job so EFFING DIFFICULT!!!" ;-)

Erin said...

Don't know what happened to that first comment up there...

Hannah Noel said...

This is the funniest thing I've read all day!!!

Mel said...

The funny thing is that the kid with the button-down and sport coat and the jeans... that is as dressed up as they get... they wear that to church!

Glad I don't have to deal with kiddies.

*~! megs !~* said...

This cracked me up!! Nice..

Thanks so much for your comment on my blog. I survived!! I didn't have that much pain surgery wise, but I had a ton of nausea and dizziness which I've never had. Apparently it was a reaction from one of the meds I take to the anesthesia. Point taken, will not be doing that again!! Did you have to do a ton of treatment after your surgery? Medication or anything? A good friend of mine had a lot of trouble after her surgery and my doc seems to recommend none so I was just wondering.. Sorry for writing you a book!! I should have just emailed you!!

The Northerner said...

I love this!

Meagan said...

You might have already been tagged, but you have a surprise on my page!